Okay. Where to begin?
It is April 5th on Sunday. I had a very quiet birthday of mine, my 32nd. It is an easter weekend. I started my birthday-easter weekend by going oit from Thursday night. I had ten shots of vodkas and whiskies and many more beers along with shots. Good day and night with my loving friends.
Of course i ruined the next day. I start my Friday late and hang out more with my other friends but this time it is quiet and relaxed. My bad weekend started after the quiet gathering with my Christian friends. On my way home from friend's, five minutes before I arrive at my apartment's parking, I see a blinking light of a police car. I am thinking that someone is in trouble~HOWEVER, I realize that it is following me. WTF!!! I am on the first lane and slow down my car and stop.
Waiting for the police to get out and knock my window. I pull down my window and the police tells me this. "When you are pulled over, you are supposed to go to the right lane" I am lost. I have lived in Canada for ten years but I dont understand what the police says to me right now."Im sorry sir?" btw..I never use sir. Not even when I have sex with my boyfriend but I did this time. Without a hesitation or with an accent of my Korean. The police tells me again but I cant understand what he is talking about. I have never been this nervous in awhile. I was not even this nervous when I came over to my boyfriend's house for the first time after we talked only on online. The police asks for my license and he leans over into my car. "Who's car is this?" I tell him that it is my boyfriend's car. When he hears it second time, he doesnt even respond to it but tell me that he would be right back. After 10 minutes of a long wait he comes back with a blue paper. He asks for my signature on the bottom of the ticket and I do as I am asked to do. I just got my fucking first speeding ticket two hours before my birthday. I say "thank you" to the police and head home. Im shaking and dont know what to think. 196 dollars. I was running 81km when it was supposed to be 50km. GREAT!!!
When I come home I tell Seed, my boyfriend's nickname, that I got a ticket. He doesnt say much but he tries to calm me down. We have been struggling financially. Seed has a decent paying job but he has recently been paying for his editor. He wants to become a writer and I support his talent and passion. But tonight, I am not much of a help to him. I try to go to sleep but it is very difficult when you think that you are treated unfairly. People may think that it is my fault. Speeding is my fault; however, i remember the officier's face and eyes when a guy says that he was driving his boyfriend's car, he was not the same police who was instructing the driver to pull over on the right side.
I decide to dispute the ticket, hoping for his no-show at the court.
I am now a visitor status, waiting for my paper to arrive. It has been taking longer than it is supposed to be and I have not been able to work for more than a year now. I live off of my boyfriend. He says that he is okay with it. He keeps telling me that he is responsible for my clothes, house and food. I really do appreciate his love; however, it is just me who has never been living off of someone else, other than his parents. I do not spend money eccesively but sometime you just want to be able to spend your own money. Money that you earned. Money that you have to gave up for. Money that makes you bitching, complaining and striving for. I want to work. But I cant risk my immigration process buy working under table.
I used to have ups and downs once in a few months, once in a month, once in a week. Now, I can easily call myself a maniac. My mood changes every hour and minute.
We went out on Sunday to look at a new pair of shoes, running shoes. Ones I have now, i get blisters after running in them. I have been thinking about for months. I mean I have thought about getting a new pair and I had to think about a month to bring it up to my boyfriend. Seed is totally willing to buy a pair for me but it is me, feeling that I suck out his money. When we went to a shoe store, one I liked cost about $140 which I could have bought it without a single ounce of hesitation but I instintly looked at my boyfriend's face and read something that only reflected my interpretation. I instantly got moody. I stopped talking. I kept walking, without looking around. I stopped reacting to Seed's talking. My boyfriend realizes that I am changed but nothing changed.
When we were walking to our car, I could only realize how many BMWs, Lexus, Mercedes, and Porches driving around us. Name the cars. I just didnt list all of them because I dont know how to spell their names. It is a fucking Robson street in Vancouver. You name the car and there is one within a metre around you and the car is driven by a teenage chinese girl or a boy!!! How could they afford it? Not fair? Where are my rich parents? Why arent they rich? What about Seed? What has he been doing? Lottery? Will I ever be able to own one of those? Will I ever be good enough?
Can you imagine how many frustraing, non-answerable questions I was thinking about? I didnt have time to think about the poor. It usually makes me to stay positive and look at bright sides but not on Robson street. All this happened because Seed and I went into a store that sells $140 shoes. Which could be nothing but at the same time it was the most frustrating emotion that I had to overcome in a year.
Today I met my beloving spanish friend who was agreeing with what I went through sincerely. After five days and meeting my genuine friend, I am graduating from the childish emotion. I can now move on because I have been constantly struggling with the similar emotions for a year. Living is hard without rich parents or a lottery winning. Living in Vancouver is hard without being able to buy things you want to own. Living as who I am is hard without an experience.
I am not sure if I am explaing my situation well; however, everyday I am laerning my lessons about life, relationship, finance and myself.
It is April 5th on Sunday. I had a very quiet birthday of mine, my 32nd. It is an easter weekend. I started my birthday-easter weekend by going oit from Thursday night. I had ten shots of vodkas and whiskies and many more beers along with shots. Good day and night with my loving friends.
Of course i ruined the next day. I start my Friday late and hang out more with my other friends but this time it is quiet and relaxed. My bad weekend started after the quiet gathering with my Christian friends. On my way home from friend's, five minutes before I arrive at my apartment's parking, I see a blinking light of a police car. I am thinking that someone is in trouble~HOWEVER, I realize that it is following me. WTF!!! I am on the first lane and slow down my car and stop.
Waiting for the police to get out and knock my window. I pull down my window and the police tells me this. "When you are pulled over, you are supposed to go to the right lane" I am lost. I have lived in Canada for ten years but I dont understand what the police says to me right now."Im sorry sir?" btw..I never use sir. Not even when I have sex with my boyfriend but I did this time. Without a hesitation or with an accent of my Korean. The police tells me again but I cant understand what he is talking about. I have never been this nervous in awhile. I was not even this nervous when I came over to my boyfriend's house for the first time after we talked only on online. The police asks for my license and he leans over into my car. "Who's car is this?" I tell him that it is my boyfriend's car. When he hears it second time, he doesnt even respond to it but tell me that he would be right back. After 10 minutes of a long wait he comes back with a blue paper. He asks for my signature on the bottom of the ticket and I do as I am asked to do. I just got my fucking first speeding ticket two hours before my birthday. I say "thank you" to the police and head home. Im shaking and dont know what to think. 196 dollars. I was running 81km when it was supposed to be 50km. GREAT!!!
When I come home I tell Seed, my boyfriend's nickname, that I got a ticket. He doesnt say much but he tries to calm me down. We have been struggling financially. Seed has a decent paying job but he has recently been paying for his editor. He wants to become a writer and I support his talent and passion. But tonight, I am not much of a help to him. I try to go to sleep but it is very difficult when you think that you are treated unfairly. People may think that it is my fault. Speeding is my fault; however, i remember the officier's face and eyes when a guy says that he was driving his boyfriend's car, he was not the same police who was instructing the driver to pull over on the right side.
I decide to dispute the ticket, hoping for his no-show at the court.
I am now a visitor status, waiting for my paper to arrive. It has been taking longer than it is supposed to be and I have not been able to work for more than a year now. I live off of my boyfriend. He says that he is okay with it. He keeps telling me that he is responsible for my clothes, house and food. I really do appreciate his love; however, it is just me who has never been living off of someone else, other than his parents. I do not spend money eccesively but sometime you just want to be able to spend your own money. Money that you earned. Money that you have to gave up for. Money that makes you bitching, complaining and striving for. I want to work. But I cant risk my immigration process buy working under table.
I used to have ups and downs once in a few months, once in a month, once in a week. Now, I can easily call myself a maniac. My mood changes every hour and minute.
We went out on Sunday to look at a new pair of shoes, running shoes. Ones I have now, i get blisters after running in them. I have been thinking about for months. I mean I have thought about getting a new pair and I had to think about a month to bring it up to my boyfriend. Seed is totally willing to buy a pair for me but it is me, feeling that I suck out his money. When we went to a shoe store, one I liked cost about $140 which I could have bought it without a single ounce of hesitation but I instintly looked at my boyfriend's face and read something that only reflected my interpretation. I instantly got moody. I stopped talking. I kept walking, without looking around. I stopped reacting to Seed's talking. My boyfriend realizes that I am changed but nothing changed.
When we were walking to our car, I could only realize how many BMWs, Lexus, Mercedes, and Porches driving around us. Name the cars. I just didnt list all of them because I dont know how to spell their names. It is a fucking Robson street in Vancouver. You name the car and there is one within a metre around you and the car is driven by a teenage chinese girl or a boy!!! How could they afford it? Not fair? Where are my rich parents? Why arent they rich? What about Seed? What has he been doing? Lottery? Will I ever be able to own one of those? Will I ever be good enough?
Can you imagine how many frustraing, non-answerable questions I was thinking about? I didnt have time to think about the poor. It usually makes me to stay positive and look at bright sides but not on Robson street. All this happened because Seed and I went into a store that sells $140 shoes. Which could be nothing but at the same time it was the most frustrating emotion that I had to overcome in a year.
Today I met my beloving spanish friend who was agreeing with what I went through sincerely. After five days and meeting my genuine friend, I am graduating from the childish emotion. I can now move on because I have been constantly struggling with the similar emotions for a year. Living is hard without rich parents or a lottery winning. Living in Vancouver is hard without being able to buy things you want to own. Living as who I am is hard without an experience.
I am not sure if I am explaing my situation well; however, everyday I am laerning my lessons about life, relationship, finance and myself.
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